First week back.

So coming back has been interesting. Many mixed feelings. I love being around the family, especially mom, dad, caren, steve, cuzs and aunts and uncles and it was nice to see my buddies this week, over sushi, beer and a disappointing hockey game. And what's best.. yup you probably guessed - Kyan - my now 15 and a half month old nephew - I swear he is one of the smartest babies out there - yes I might be biased but that is beside the point.

But at the same time - not sure if it's culture shock or my refusal to re-integrate but it feels like I don't belong here.. or at least in my current situtation as it is. Then again it is only the first week and with no car, no cell phone, and living under the parents roof (I love them to death, don't get me wrong) but it feels like I have changed in so many ways and Sandy had it right with what she said on facebook:

"Oh yeah - the reverse culture shock definitely packs a punch, more than people can understand. Actually, that's one of the worst parts - when it seems like no body really understands how it was like to live abroad, and that they don't really care. "

But then there's hope as she follows:

"...but you know, after awhile when you get used to things, then it feels really good to have your family nearby and you start appreciating how comfortable it is, more than you did before. "

But it's just so hard - I forgot how helpless you can feel without a car in this city which is making it hard for me to even go to yoga or commit to teach. Even going to the grocery store has been a daunting task with the -15 degree weather making it almost impossible to bike there (oh I miss biking in Ams!). and the gym... god my old one is so hard to get to without a car... by public transport you would require to go from the northwest to downtown and then take another bus back to the northwest (15 minute by car, but [probably a good hour by public transport). Shit I need a gym.

On monday, when I showed up to work my first shift I lulu, once I entered the mall the oddest but overwhelming feelings overcame me. I think it was the fact of being back into a mall, a mall that basically encompasses everything that is North American: big, sterile and everything indoors. So when my dad dropped me off for work an hour early - I just sat at one of the benches for 45 minutes, staring at people come and go and basically thinking about how much I missed the European lifestyle, the uniqueness of each country. And it's odd to walk around and suddenly know what complete strangers are talking about, no more dutch, french, italian, spanish conversations going on around me.

But now that it's Friday, i did my first shift back at lulu south, my old store I used to work with and saw many old faces - it's like nothings changed.. but I forgot how much fun work was, and how much fun luluSC was.

... it's an odd time based on my odd feelings - as it still feels like everything is still up in the air, but then again it is only my first week back - so we'll see.